Joanna, he has put you through enough that you are EXTREMELY justified in being suspicious of him. If it were me I wouldn't let him near me with a ten foot pole. Stick to your guns. Why on earth did he want a tour without you? What business was it of his? My parents would NEVER do something like that without letting me know, and they're ALWAYS all up in my business. Any parent would NOT have done that; any parent would have asked his daughter for the information directly rather than going behind her back to get it.

If your relatives insist, tell them you have very good reasons that are between you and your father, and that you prefer to leave the rest of the clan out of it (unlike your father). Leave it at that. If your relationships with them suffer, there's not much you can do.

But I do know this: A leopard doesn't change his spots. Sooner or later your dad will do it again and your relatives will see which one of you is the credible one. Hugs to you. This is awful.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor