First off, I am sorry you’re father has put you through this. And as far as I can see, it seems like you have already risen above....congratulations because that isn’t easy. I know, I have a mother who causes such disruptions and ill feelings but is completely convinced that she has done nothing of the sort. She never thinks she does anything wrong.

Once I became a parent I couldn’t stand it anymore. There isn’t anyyyything I wouldn’t do for my girls.... and knowing this feeling first hand it makes it hurt even more realizing my own mother doesn’t feel that way about me. At first I just kept my distance... but eventually things just became so ugly that, in consideration of my girls and my husband, zero contact is what I had to do and it has been that way for almost 2 years.

This also meant loosing contact with much of my family that doesn't approve of my choice; brothers, aunts, grandma. They are all in their little dysfunctional world, and while I miss em, and still love them.... I can’t bare to be involved and participate in all the destructiveness. I grew up with that, my grandmother mean to my mother, and my mother just put up with it swearing she wouldn’t get like that... but she is that way now and expects us kids to put up with her like good children, like she did with her mother. My brothers do, but then again they’re just as dysfunctional and difficult to swallow. When I was growing up, my grandmother was the only person that made my mother cry on a regular basis and as a kid that was hard to understand. Once that started to happen to me, and my 5 yr old wanted to know why my mommy made me cry... I said the chain stops here! If I don’t talk to her she can’t make me cry. AND talking to her but trying to be strong and not cry is just toooo hard considering what gets said.

It isn’t easy, not talking, having zero contact... feeling left out of the loop.... I miss em all and honestly there was some good things that happened, but not enough to balance out the bad. On a making lemonade note, now that I’m not talking to em regularly, my mind is open to happy thoughts, I remember good times, wayyy more often then if we were talking, because when we talk and fight, that is what is on my mind.

I know this doesn’t tell you what to do, but maybe it helps to know you are not alone.... and what someone else did and what it is like.

(((HUGS))) good luck figuring this out.

when handed a basket of lemons make lemonade

Charlene