I think the one thing your missing most of all is to communicate your feelings to your husband! I mean really and truly your BIL is a man with a disease but that doesnt mean he has to infect your life with it all the time.Helping is a good thing and most of us want to help the ones we love but we must first help ourselves.What is it costing you to help him?Is the situation getting any better with your help?Bring these points to the attention of your DH.Tell HIM how much it stresses you and how you think it might effect your family unit.Lets face it your BIL is a grown man and if push come to shove well he can yip yip nin nin getta job!Your family however cannot reverse the stress he has bestowed on you so tell your DH ...its his brother and your his wife this is how you feel and this is what BIL does to make you feel that way then let DH run with it.If he doesnt bring satisfaction to the situation then wash rinse and repeat.