Jana's blog

Lynn, I was going to send this to your personally but then I thought....we are all friends here and maybe someone else has something to offer. After reading your "meaning" post I need to write some things down. Before I get started, I want everyone to know the tone is friendly and part of it is my greiving process. I do not in any way want it to come off any other way.

Two weeks ago a very close friend died of a massive heart attack. DH and I grew up with he and his wife. We have grown closer since starting families. He was 34 years old. No known heart issues. Spent the day building a tree house for his two boys ages 9 and 6. Was cooking dinner with his wife. Died on the floor before the ambulance arrived.

After a break from just about everything that was extra I am diving back into the world in seems.

Life has calmed down around our household (knock wood) so I am feeling a bit more "normal" lately.

At the end of the school year, that would be 4 weeks, we will officially be homeschoolers!!!!!!

YIIIPPPEEEE!

Life is starting to slow a bit so hopefully I will be able to check in more! Just had to share my happy news since so many of you have been inspirations!

Felt like I needed to check in with you guys. Life is crazy at the moment but I have a chance to catch you all up.

DH is recovering well. Is still off work and we are not sure for how much longer but recovering well, is the important part.

Let me set the scene.....

It is chilly outside, I am still in my favorite pj's. The house is dim even though it is 1:30 pm. I am in the computer room with my feet on the desk and the keyboard in my lap. I have my earphones on and am listening to Pink Martini,Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler to be exact, while I read blogs that I have been meaning to read.

I am up surfing the net, trying to get my youngest to go to sleep while DH is frantically preparing for a deer hunting trip with my dad.

Some toughts come to mind, all in good humor. I wish for nothing bad to happen to my hubby, I love my life with him, but....

This is an email I sent out to a friend and I wanted to post it here to. Please go and donate blood in your area if you can, just in my father in laws honor and any prayers would be appreciated.

I am not sure what I told you about my FIL last but they have found cancer. The rupture of the blood vessel/artery in his hip, 2 weeks ago, was because of the pressure from the golf ball size tumor. When the blood vessel/artery ruptured so did the tumor. It is lipo sarcoma cancer or something like that. Chemo is not an option as the cells are resistent. Radiation isn't an option as the cells are scattered in his hip area and they would being burning off to many good cells in the process of trying to get the bad cells. Basically the options are total leg and partial pelvic amputation or do nothing. The dr.s are recommending do nothing and I think that is what the he has decided to do as well. It is a slow growing cancer and that by its nature stays local so he will watch his hip area and if he notices lumps or anything like that the dr.s will remove it at that time. Basically, he will live with the cancer cells and hope they don't grow to quickly. He has received 31 units of blood since this began, with the first 25 in the first day of the rupture. They feel they have the bleeding under control and they have assured him that there is not an issue wth his blood or his vessels that is was simply the pressure from the tumor. He is tired and ready to be home. 2 weeks in the hospital and 4 surgeries along with 31 units of blood have taken their toll. He does have a positive spirit, though! He said when this is all said and done he wants a butt like JLo! The surgery yesterday was to clean up the hip area and remove some of the skin that had "died" in the process of all the blood just sitting there. When everything ruptured he bleed into a pocket area in his hip and the blood just sat there. It has caused lots of damage and much of his outer skin "died" in that area and had to be removed. They were wanting to clean everything up to reduce the risk of infection as it could get bad. They think he may require another surgery to do some more repair and he may need some grafts but right now they did what they could and are going to leave him alone for a bit to let his body do some healing. They also removed some muscle tissue from his gluts but seem confident that he will be able to walk unassisted eventally.

Why, yes I believe they are!

I kid you not....these two things were in my inbox this morning!

"The perfect no-stress environment is the grave. When we change our perception we gain control. The stress becomes a challenge, not a threat. When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by events, the stress in our life becomes manageable." - Greg Anderson

It is Sunday and we are all cranky. I am sitting down to get out all my grips and whines so tonight I can come back and put down all I am blessed with. I can't really find that stuff right now since the crabbies are blurring my vision.

Today markes 10 years of wedded bliss for DH and I. Did I say wedded "BLISS"? Well, it started the post off on the right foot! Made everyone warm and fuzzy.....but the truth is I have learned several things about marriage in 10 years:

Houston, we have a reader! DS 4.95 is reading. Early last week it was the stringing together of words, two nights ago it was sounding out words in a simple book, last night it was reading with little hesitation. The light bulb moment, right in front of us. The moment whent the little brain "says, YEAH I GOT IT" I am still hanging on to the amazing thing it is. Big momma smile!

So I have mentioned my friend with cancer. She has needed blood transfusions the last couple of months. I am a big ninny when it comes to needles and have never given blood. Well, today we had a blood drive at school and I decided to buckle down and do it. What is the worst that could happen? I could pass out, feel dizzy, get sick to my stomach? That really didn't compare to what she goes through and how much better she feels after she receives blood. So, in I walk with her by my side as support. I announce that I am a "virgin" donor and that gets everyone giggling. So they lay my down, get the best gal there to do the withdrawl and off I go. I SURVIVED! It was not a big deal, well it is in the big picture, but in how I felt.....no biggy. It was easy. She tells me it took me 5 minutes and 36 seconds to donate and that is a pretty good time for a virgin! To which I said "that was longer than the last time I lost my virginity!" Needless to say everyone laughed, my friend cried, I gave blood and overcame a fear! I will be able to do it again on Dec 23rd and you better believe I will!

I am not going to work today. Instead I am working at home and getting myself out of this funk, at least for a day. My house is a T.O.T.A.L. wreck and I am focusing on that. This, Whatever, that I am going through is not gonna zap my energy today and make me useless.

Life has me a bit down at the moment.

I am trying to put my finger on it and I keep coming up with LIFE. Just, in general. Just the way people come and go and the way people treat each other and the way I have to get up in the morning to leave my home to better my self (college) and make some money (work) to get by and the way that I never have enough time for my kids who at any moment could be taken away from this earth and the way I need to call my granny but I don't think about it until it is 10pm and she is fast asleep and the way the my friend is having to deal with cancer and a shorter life with her husband and kid and the way that I want to eat healthy but have such a dang hard time finding healthy foods that my family will eat and the way that I really want to be at home but because we made the wrong choices years ago that we are still paying for I can not.

Therapy comes in all forms. Our form was for our family to get back in the water!

Saturday we went back to the same pool and swam as a family. DH and I probably had more issues than DS7 or DS4.

Today has really been hard. I have really just been going through the motions. Then I open my email and what do I get....a surprise......

Mary Engelbreit is coming to Houston for a book signing. I have already called and gotten my ticket. Here is the info, I see some cities some of you may be able to make it too.

Sunday night we almost lost McGwire, DS4. We were at some close friends and he fell into their pool. He had to be revived by CPR we spent the evening at the hospital and the next day with our Dr. He is fine and shows no ill effects. From seeing him being pulled out of the pool, blue with no pulse, to seeing him right now, totally being a normal 4 yr old, I only know a higher power was watching over him and us as a family. I could have so easily turned out very badly.

Well, we are making plans to leave. Rita is heading our way and the forecast is to intensify to a CAT 3/4 by landfall. My kids are hyper sensitive right now after Katrina and we are not gonna ride it out and make them even more stressed. Our plan is to head to Austin on Wed evening or Thurs morning. If it turns and misses us then great, we get a visit to Austin, if not then we are safe and sound.

This summer I started looking into the amount of "crap" my family has been eating. It lead me a search of the internet to find information that I could understand and that didn't totally contridict itself. I always read labels but soon found what I had been reading I was misinterrupting. So on to cutting out artificail colors, flavors, high frutose corn syrup and hydrogentated oils or trans fats. That stuff is pretty cut in dry. Don't need 'em. I get that. I am back and forth on soy, don't really care from most of it but some I have found to be ok. While I am not looking for soy stuff for our diet I am not running from it either.

Ok, I warned you!

Today was an appt with the dentist for myself, DS7 and DS4 to get our teeth cleaned. I have been going to this dentist since I was a teenager and DSs have both been to him, no one fears the dentist. The hygenist (sp?, to cranky to look it up so just go with me) asked who wanted to go first and DS7 is excited to go. Now he just lost his first baby tooth and HAD one hanging on. I let them get settled and then DS4 and I go back to check on him. She, the hygenist, one we have not seen before, just kinda looks at us like "I know you are not staying back here" well of course we did. My kid, I can. No one is in the way and DS7 is fine with it. If he were the type of kid that needed mommy to be in the next room I could understand that but he was no different when I was in there then when I wasn't. I was mainly letting DS4 see that DS7 was in the chair and kinda get a feel for what was going on. Well, she mentions the tooth that is just hanging on and I say 'yeah, I bet it falls out in the next day or two' to which DS7 just smiles. Well, the next thing I know she is instructing DS7 to pull the tooth out. He wiggles, nothing, she tells him to turn it, nothing, then finally it comes out and he starts crying and the gums are just bleeding and bleeding. ***Note: I am MAD as myself too!!! I am not just blaming the hygenist**** As this happens a flash goes through my mind. The wonderful summer days of wiggling a tooth till it falls out, do this or that until it falls out, going to bed thinking of things to do to make it come out. How the last tooth he lost was such *fun* for him to loose and now we are sitting in the dentist chair crying, bleeding and one less tooth. I saw no reason to pull the tooth that instant and she did not give me a reason. She could tell I was not happy by my stern look and the things I said to DS7. To be honest I really didn't know what to say to HER. Other than "good luck getting him back to the dentist! Thanks for all you help in that matter!"

As I sat this morning I thought about this weekend. As some of you have heard on other threads I was busy putting up corn with my mother this weekend. We know a lady whose family raises corn. We went and picked up 114 ears of the best sweet corn I have had in years!

Ok......wanted to try one more time before I gave up for the day....thought maybe if I added more words it would quit telling me my blog was to short. We shall see, think this is enough words......cross you fingers.

This was in my inbox today. Felt the need to share.

http://www.beliefnet.com/dailyinspiration/103205.htm

This was powerful for me to read. Actually brought me to tears.

Have I read something like it before? Yes. Did it have a powerful effect on me then? No, not so much. Why today? February is behind me and the only person I can change is ME but that is a big step in changing those around me!

So I have had this migraine all day. I know when I wake up with one it will not leave me until around 6 pm. Like clock work. Either on the first or last day of Auntie Flo's presence!

Yep! 6:32 and it is finally letting up.

I hope this link works. I stumbled upon it and found it interesting and wanted to share.

http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=knowmain

Jana

I am having trouble with the calendar. February is coming. For the past 4 or so years, it has not been a good month.

February - 3 yrs ago, DH's grandmother who was 103 passed away. It was a difficult time as this was the first person in his family for him to experience death and they were so very close. She was buried on DH's birthday, the 12th.

I just had to get this out. It has been in my mind since it happened and maybe if I release it it will seem better.

DS6 has become pretty mouthy the last several months. Sometimes I feel that he is just expressing himself and seeing where the boundaries are and such so I overlook it or talk to him about it. Let him know what is expected and what is not. Well, I was thinking that this was really getting us no where (or maybe it was and I was just impatient for the long haul ) but anyway I was trying to come up with something to help him understand. Really the comments were harmless and that is why I was just trying to relax about it. It would be something like I would say something and he would say something under his breath. Kinda like...let me see if I can get away with this type of thing. Well, then Christmas comes and the selfish child came out strong. This is a child that just 2 weeks ago cleaned out his piggy bank and rounded up all the loose change in the house to take to the Salvation Army kettle at Kroger but let him go into a store and think he is not getting a toy and the whining and pounting begins. When he didn't get the exact thing he wanted for Christmas he was pouty and DH called him Eyeore....which is exactly what he was acting like....you know...poor me, my glass is always half empty thinking! Well, we were taking it in stride and trying to talk with him about things. Didn't feel like it was sinking in.

I had to put this under world event since it never happens!

As some of you may remember I live in South Texas on the coast....about 30 minutes south of Houston!

We had snow on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning! We got a total of 8 inches!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was wonderful. The last time we had snow was 32 years ago in February and it was very little but enough to say it was snow!