I have so little patients.I always wanna open Christmas gifts early and other lil things like that.Pregnancy is hard to the impatient soul beccause there is no way to speed things along.It will happen in its own due time.I outright refuse to be induced this time as in previous pregnancys,for some obs weekend plans.I will go into labor on my own.(I would consider it only if I were very overdue)I am considering home birth with this child.In this state if I homebirth I cannot have a midwife.I live less than two mins in my car from the hospital so that makes it more of an option for me.I have researched the technical sides of homebirth as well as the emotional ones.As my time draws nearer I am more and more swayed in the direction of this.In previous pregnancies I didnt want to wait to have the baby beccause I wanted it just to be over.I hated all my experiences with the hospital from lying on my back to being cut just beccause it was my first baby.The others were bigger and I didnt tear even a little beccause I learned about preparing my perinum to stretch.The idea of no doctor at the birth strikes alot of people the wrong way but for some reason deep down in my gut I trust my body to do what it was made to do.I feel calmer when I think of having the baby here in my own bed,my own way.It makes me feel able to wait until the baby is ready to come and not to sit around hoping the doctor will induce at the next visit.I dont talk about this very openly beccause I simply dont want to deal with the strong often cruel opposition I get but I wanted to let these feelings off my chest.I have a vison of giving birth to my child without i.v.s and drugs and not so kind nurses and doctors.I dont want my baby taken from me moments after birth to be cleaned measured and weighed.I want my baby to be born and then to be in my arms close to me where it belongs.I dont want to remeber it as some medical procedure I want it to be beautiful.My mind is torn between the conventional teachings and instinct.
