Baby Book, The

Ok, you know I'm not an attached parent. Or I don't feel I am. I feel very close to all 3 of my children. I breastfed the first year, more or less (though not on demand, I'm a schedule gal, and it didn't hurt any of my kids, who were always above the curve in height and weight as babies and are just the right proportions now). I used the sling limitedly, as my kids were too heavy to tote in it past the first 4 months. I am anti-family bed. And just several other things that AP parents do that I do not. I spank, my kids sleep in their own room, I let them cry it out on occasion.

I bought this book a few months after #3 was born. I heard it had some things about fussy babies (which Chance was). And I found a few helpful things in there. I'm not totally against the book.

What I didn't like was the mindset that the Sears' had about if you didn't do it the AP way, then your kids are going to be distant and unattached. I just felt this was totally untrue. There were several places in the book that said this, and had a picture to illustrate an unhappy baby with a seemingly uncaring mom.

Ok, that's my beef. There are good tips on caring for a baby. And I'm sure that if you do AP that your kids are bound to be happy thriving children. BUT... just because you DON'T practice AP, doesn't mean that they won't be happy and thriving too. Look at my kids for the proof. Yes, I must brag. My girls, now ages 4 and 6, are the snuggliest, most polite children. I get compliments everywhere I go on them, you can tell they love me and I love them. Unattached doesn't mean uncaring and distant. And raising a child unattached doesn't mean they won't be attached. I know a few kids that are raised attached and my kids are much better behaved and more pleasant to be around than they are (not just my opinion, this was told to me by others around all the children, it's not just my opinion. )

The book gave me the impression that I had done something wrong, when I knew I hadn't. If I had not already had two children brought up "my" way, and I had read the book while my first was still tiny, I think I would have been overwrought with guilt that I had done everything wrong, that this and every other kid I would have would turn out terrible if I continued on the path I was on. But I had already had two that turned out great so far with "my" way, therefore, I was confident that "my" way was the best way for my children.

Ok, so bottom line. It's a good book and your kids will turn out fine their way. And the basic baby care in the book is good, too. But don't believe that your kids won't be ok if you happen not to follow the Sears' plan, as I felt the book led you to believe. I'm not bashing AP, just the way the book was written.

Babies famously don't come with manuals. "The Baby Book" is as close to one as I've ever seen; if you have a baby care question the chances are very good it's going to be covered here. I was even able to self-diagnose my breastfeeding problem with Josie all those years ago using this book (her head and body weren't lined up--her head was turned to the side--we needed to be "belly to belly"). Even those who don't accept some, many or all attachment parenting principles will find a great deal of practical information here.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

I love ALL the Dr Sears books and had almost the complete collection.

I took some of the more "crunchy" stuff with a grain or twelve of salt.

Not everything that is AP works for everyone or every child. I am pro-cosleep, but my son was not. He wanted his own space, he set his OWN (rigid) schedule, much to my dismay.

I think the information about building trust and self-confidence is important for some parents to learn.

If I wouldve parented the same way my parents did, I think a lot of those trust and confidence issues would be very clear in my kids. I have them, and am in therapy for them.

A little inconvenience for me to take the time to learn and meet my childrens needs seems little price to pay for healthy children.

Kristina
Slightly Crunchy Momma
Tragically Flawed Woman
Loving Heart